is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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