What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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