Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
