just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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