Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
