The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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