The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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