What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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