had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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