It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
