I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
