i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
