you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Houston, we have a blender
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
