Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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