were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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