I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The feeling are messing with the penis
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
