pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
