I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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