I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
