I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize