I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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