somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
