I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
