What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
