Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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