Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He passed out mid-signature
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
