was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
