ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize