I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
