She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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