If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
