i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
