she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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