That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
