I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
