just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
