he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
