Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just google imaged poop.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
