Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize