no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
