Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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