So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
