Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
