were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
