i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
