I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
