remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
