8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
