I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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