??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
