i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
