i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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