just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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