I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize