I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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