just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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