Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
