Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
