I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
