Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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