dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
