so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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