this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize