I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
