Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
