We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never let your siblings swipe right.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
