I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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