You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He better not be in your backpack
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
