So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
