my mouth tastes like poor choices
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
