I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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