then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
